Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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