they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
