i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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