I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
there was a trapeze. enough said
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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