I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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