he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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