yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
