that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
