tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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