ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
