Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
