You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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