Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
you made out with another girl for some wings
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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