I love black thongs
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
