Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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