dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
