Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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