i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
