If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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