the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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