she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
