I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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