is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Let's get the cat blown out
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