My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
