I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
