My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
