Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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