why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
