I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
