As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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