I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
