so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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