Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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