Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
