Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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