omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My vagina is very pro this idea
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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