Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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