Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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