and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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