Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
