I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.