No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room