Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.