this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
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I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
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she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.