in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.