I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
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How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
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My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.