Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sorry about my life...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.