felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us