Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
