one might say we're banned from that church
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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