I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
