Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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