I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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