You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
this boner is exhausting
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
