Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
