Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
