dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
