meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
