Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
