I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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