and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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