Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
