Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize