arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
