I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
