He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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