I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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