Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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