I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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