one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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