Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
