11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize