I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
