Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
